I’ve Been Masking for So Long, I Don’t Know Who I Am

Last updated on 28 August 2025 by Brisbane Livewell Clinic Editorial Team

Masking is exhausting. Whether it’s been a way to appear calm in social settings, cope at work, avoid criticism or simply get through the day, long-term masking can slowly disconnect people from their own inner experience. After years of adapting to the world’s expectations, many adults reach a point where they don’t know how they actually feel anymore – or who they truly are beneath the mask.

Holistic counselling with Nathan Gurry supports people who are navigating this kind of identity loss. If you’ve felt emotionally flat, lost, or unsure of how to stop performing, this work creates space to explore what you’ve been carrying and what you might need next.

Understanding the Impact of Long-Term Masking

Masking doesn’t just take energy – it changes how a person relates to themselves. It often begins in childhood or adolescence as a response to feeling unsafe, rejected or misunderstood. For neurodivergent adults, masking is often a way to survive environments that aren’t designed for their needs. For sensitive people, it can become a way to protect themselves from overwhelm, judgement or shame.

Over time, masking may lead to:

Chronic fatigue or emotional burnout
Difficulty identifying your needs or preferences
Loss of motivation, joy or sense of self
Internalised shame or pressure to “hold it together”
A sense of feeling blank, scattered or emotionally flat

These are not signs of weakness. They are signs that your system has been doing too much for too long.

What Sessions Can Support

Holistic counselling offers a non-clinical, present-centred space to begin reconnecting with yourself after years of disconnect. You don’t need to know where to begin. The process is gentle, grounded and respectful of what your nervous system can handle.

Some patients explore:

What authenticity feels like when the mask drops
How to identify emotions and needs again
Letting go of roles or habits that no longer fit
Building capacity for rest, honesty and emotional truth
Relearning what safety feels like inside relationships

No Diagnosis Required

Many people who seek support for masking identify as autistic, ADHD or otherwise neurodivergent. Others simply resonate with having lived in survival mode for too long. Holistic counselling is inclusive, pressure-free and responsive to your actual experience – not someone else’s model.

Sessions Available In-Person or Online

Appointments are available in person at Brisbane Livewell Clinic (Wavell Heights) or online across Australia. Many patients choose video sessions to support accessibility, sensory comfort and nervous system pacing.

Quote from Nathan Gurry

“So many of the people I meet have been performing for years without realising it. They’ve shaped their personality around what’s acceptable. And when the mask starts to slip, it can feel like falling apart – but often, it’s the first step toward feeling like a person again.”

How to Book a Session

Nathan sees patients at Brisbane Livewell Clinic and via secure online sessions. To book, call (07) 3861 5881 or book online via the clinic website. Appointments are available Monday to Friday.

FAQs

1. What is masking in the context of mental and emotional health?

Masking is the practice of hiding or suppressing one’s true thoughts, behaviours or feelings to fit into social or professional expectations. It is common among neurodivergent and sensitive adults and can lead to burnout, disconnection and identity loss.

2. Can holistic counselling help with masking fatigue?

Yes. Holistic counselling helps patients explore the emotional, physical and relational impact of long-term masking. The work is paced around your capacity, with no expectation to perform or explain everything.

3. What are the signs that I’ve been masking too much?

Common signs include emotional numbness, chronic exhaustion, disconnection from joy, over-adapting in relationships, and a loss of clarity about what you want or feel.

4. I’m not sure who I am underneath the roles I play. Can this work help?

Yes. This process is about slowly reconnecting with your own emotions, needs and values – without rushing to “find yourself” or meet expectations.

5. Is this suitable for autistic or ADHD adults?

Yes. Many of Nathan’s patients are neurodivergent. Sessions are sensory-aware, unhurried and centred on authenticity rather than tools or strategies.

6. Can I talk about shame or fear around being seen?

Absolutely. These are common themes in masking recovery. They are held with care and never dismissed or minimised.

7. What if I don’t know how to stop performing?

That’s okay. We begin by noticing when it happens, how it feels and what it protects you from. You don’t need to change it overnight. Awareness is the starting point.

8. How often should I come to sessions?

Some people begin weekly, others fortnightly or monthly. Frequency depends on what your nervous system can hold and what support you need.

9. What happens in the first session?

You’ll be invited to share whatever feels possible. Nathan will guide the process gently and at your pace. There’s no pressure to explain everything at once.

10. Can I do this work online?

Yes. Nathan offers online holistic counselling across Australia. Many patients recovering from burnout or masking find video sessions more manageable.

11. Will I be told to stop masking or change how I behave?

No. This work supports your awareness and self-trust. Any changes come from within, not from pressure or expectation.

12. Is it normal to feel confused about who I really am?

Yes. This is one of the most common experiences in masking recovery. Counselling helps you explore that confusion without trying to rush through it.

13. Can this process help me feel more real in relationships?

Yes. As masking reduces and self-awareness grows, many patients feel more confident setting boundaries, expressing needs and showing up more honestly.

14. How do I book a session?

To book with Nathan Gurry, call Brisbane Livewell Clinic on (07) 3861 5881 or use the online booking system. Sessions are available in Wavell Heights and online.

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